Along with my usual introspection, I’ve recently started organizing and revisiting my past journal entries & blog posts spread among different digital archives. In doing so, it’s become very apparent to me just how much I’m still being held back by my old ways—the fears of failure and inadequacy, the guilt of having failed my child self, the shame for struggling with the challenges in my life as much as I have. It’s all stuff I’ve long identified as unproductive and unfairly self-imposed judgement, yet nonetheless have never been able to fully unburden myself.
It’s a large reason why I’ve long-kept my online activity sparse and light. Blog posts and social media engagement seem trivial in the face of pursuing a higher education while simultaneously trying to further develop a long-running professional career in need of more notable achievements. But in this modern hyper-connected world, keeping a low profile and neglecting the digital landscape only make outcomes harder and longer to reach.
My self-expression has long been in the aim of becoming somebody else and delineating myself from who I used to be, but now, the attitude has changed; my past is something to be reclaimed and embraced, and in doing so, I may also find my true voice and motivation.